Frustrations, desperation, and Hope???

This past weekend has been crazy. I thought about building a boat, twice! I yelled at my congregation during Sunday Morning worship. I seriously considered giving up on ever knowing God's will for my life, and yet here I am today typing out this confession still not understanding just what it is that I am supposed to be doing.
My wife, Melissa, has always been let down by those she loves when she finally gives in and believes that something good will happen. I have tried so hard not to dotted to her like the rest of her family, but I know that I have failed her many times. Even so, I have always tried to be the optimistic one of our family, but this weekend has really shaken that reality.
I know that God always has our best in mind.
And, I know that He will never lead us astray.
And, I know that His ways are not our ways (and most of the time I am happy about that).
BUT... This weekend I found myself struggling to know just what to do or to say. Did God allow me to build up my own fantasy just so that He could smash it???
OR... Did He lead me down this path so that I could see that even he likes a practical joke every once in a while.
OR... Did He really mean to give me the best by smashing not only my heart and dreams, but my wife's as well?!? I just do not understand! I have allows tried so hard to follow His guiding and He has pulled us through so very frustrating things, but He has never build something up so much that I knew it was his will and then yanked the rug right out from underneath my spiritual feet like He did this weekend.

ALL I KNOW TO DO IS TO TRY TO HOLD BACK THE TEARS, THROW MY ARMS UP IN THE AIR, AND SAY GOD I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT UNDERSTAND, but if this is YOUR WILL well...

then...

FINE!
I do not understand and right now I don't want to understand. Just do Your thing and I will follow. I know you will not lead me wrong even if I don't understand or cannot see your will, just get me over this hurt...